Lizzie Grubman's woes — as David Letterman sees 'em
"Late Show" host David Letterman aimed his comic barbs at jailed
publicity maven Lizzie Grubman last night with a top 10 list of her complaints
about life behind bars. They are:
10. No one talks about the Hamptons, just people they've "shivved."
9. Can't borrow the other girls scrunchies without getting head lice.
8. Surly servants act more like a bunch of armed guards.
7. Plenty of wall space, but no plasma TV.
6. Who taught these people how to make a mocha latte?
5. They tried to take away my shoes and belt — like I'd wear a belt
with Capri pants.
4. Meal servers give attitude when you order off the menu.
3. Denied a court-supervised visit to Bloomingdale's.
2. Two hundred women sharing three showers. What is this, Vassar?
1. You can't, like, leave.
Did you hear about Mattel's new Lizzie Grubman Action Figure?
Assault and Battery sold separately.
What did Lizzie nickname her Mercedes SUV?
Her White-Trash Compactor.
Do you know why the party ended early at Conscience Point?
The guests were feeling pretty run down.
Did you hear what Lizzie did on the weekend?
She crashed some party.
Did you hear they raised the cover charge at Conscience Point?
It costs an arm and a leg to get in now.
Did you hear what the latest Hamptons drink is?
The Lizzie Wallbanger.
Why does Lizzie Grubman hope she gets beat up if she goes to prison?
So she can continue seeing stars.
What is Lizzie Grubman's favorite drink?
A Longisland sliced knee.
What does Lizzie Grubman call people from the
Hamptons?
Speed Bumps.
Why did Lizzie take Daddy to the tailors.?
Cause he needed a new law suit.
Another new drink: The Bloody Lizzie
Mix: Vodka, tomato juice, a pound of flesh and a pound of white trash in a
blender.
Hit the reverse button.
Don't turn off blender until white trash has been beaten to a bloody pulp.
Send your Lizzie jokes to Webmaster@Lizziegrubman.com
